My Masquerade

“You don’t look like you’re in pain.” I live my life pretending everything is fine. It’s not. I’m not. I ready myself to face the world. The clothes I choose, the makeup I wear, the face I put on, and the attitude I bring are all disguises. I am pretending I am fine. Physical pain consumes and destroys me. The emotional and mental anguish of a traumatic childhood, dreams of motherhood being ripped away, and love betrayed on many levels add additional layers to the physical pain I deal with daily. If you know that I am in pain, then it is severe. If you don’t, I am still in pain. It’s all there, all the time. You don’t see it because I don’t want you to. I am masked, constantly pretending, constantly hiding. I’ll let it slip occasionally, but for the most part, I wear a mask. It is only when I am alone that I will finally take it off and allow myself to show my ever-present pain.